October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.  Oct. 15th was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

I'm a little behind the curve this year.  Maybe because last year it was so fresh, only one month after we had lost Peanut.  This year my mind has been so preoccupied with work deadlines that I forgot about it.  Perhaps too, b/c my Facebook feed has been filled with people raging about Asian Americans and the evangelical church, and that I don't know many in my circle of friends who have experienced miscarriage, that I was not reminded of the day.

But I have not forgotten. 

Not that I could, anyway. That night has forever shaped me and our marriage in ways I can never fully comprehend.

So perhaps I don't really need an arbitrary day to remember.  There are certainly enough other days of the year to remind me --  miscarriage date, expected due date, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Christmas, my birthday, my husband's birthday and practically any other unexpected moment when something triggers the painful memory.

Like going into Babies R Us for the first time today with a friend, remembering that the last time I was there was to buy a changing pad, one week before I lost my baby.

So while I am a few days late in commemorating Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, to the families who have suffered from miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, or loss of an infant -- I too, stand with you.

And to my unborn child, Peanut -- your mother has not forgotten you.

I will never forget you.